motherhood

Mothers day was hard this year, not that it has ever been a cake walk greeting card companies and jewelers make it out to be this wonderful day where you are showered with gifts. Reality hit hard Sunday when someone in RS mentioned the miscarriage of a baby and how they had struggled. I knew the day was coming May 13 wasn't but days off and the slow tears that ran down my face as I sat there welled up to full on sobs as I found a quiet stall in the bathroom. I had to let the grief in for a little while. My baby is not safely inside me, he is not in my arms, and the thought of that sometimes takes me over the edge. I pray that in years to come I will be able to think of him and find joy and not sorrow. I know he is safe in the arms of my Savior but I can't help longing for just a few moments to hold him and love him. So today again I will let the sorrow in for a few minutes as I think of all the babies being born around me, as I think of all the friends happily awaiting the birth of their children. Today I will wonder if the Lord will ever bless me with the joy of being a new mom again and I will hold my babies a little tighter.