Waiting

I need to find some way to write down the good things about today because if I don't then I will wallow in my self pity eating chocolate cake and crying my head off. Baby Luke is coming on his own terms which for most people is a normal thing but for me it's difficult to bare. Samantha and Landon were both scheduled inductions which went perfectly, so naturally I had anticipated the same with Luke. I have a great doctor who has taken every precaution to make sure that Luke is healthy and not stressed. I have been going twice weekly to the hospital for non stress test and for ultrasounds to check my fluid levels. Every time Luke passes his test with flying colors, the nurses all call him the "good baby" because they never worry about whether he will pass on the first try. My fluid levels have been perfect. These things are all WONDERFUL right???? So why did I leave the hospital today in tears and cry my way home.

I spend my days in pain, not being able to do all that a mommy wants to, or needs to do and I spend most of my nights in pain or awake for hours with contractions that stop just before I decide to wake up Jeremiah and tell him it's time. I am incredibly impatient and I LOVE predictability. I like knowing what will happen, I even read the last chapter of a new book before I even read the first because I have to know how it will end. So not knowing when I will go into labor and having a doctor that really doesn't believe in non medically necessary induction leaves me feeling out of control which is a feeling I hate.

So the good things about my doctors appointment and test today:

*I actually lost a pound.

*The ultrasound tech said yep 100% boy no question.

*She even printed a little profile picture for me.

*He is healthy.

*He is safe.

I could use all the prayers of patience you can send my way and prayers that this guy comes soon.